Why No One Brings You Their Problems

If people on your team aren't bringing you their problems, you have a problem.

There are really only two explanations. Either they don't think you care, or they don't think you can actually help. Both mean the same thing: you've lost the ability to lead them.

Here's what I've seen work.

When someone does bring you a problem, shut up and listen. Really listen. Most of us jump straight into solution mode, filtering their problem through our own mental framework. By the time they finish talking, we've already decided what they mean. Often we're wrong.

End every conversation with clarity. Who's doing what? When? How will you follow up? Vague reassurances kill trust faster than saying no.

When you solve something, make it visible. Share the outcome (within reason) or ask them to share it. Your team needs proof that bringing problems to you actually leads somewhere. Otherwise it's just venting into the void.

You'll need to call in favours. Most problems worth solving require help from outside your immediate team. This only works if you've been helping others all along. The network you build when you don't need it is the one that's there when you do.

Now the flip side.

You don't want to become a dumping ground. Endless rants about things nobody can change aren't useful to anyone. You want people to use judgment about what's worth raising.

Getting this balance right takes time and coaching.

Psychological safety matters here. If people can't be direct with each other, they'll bring peer conflicts to you instead of resolving them themselves. That's exhausting for everyone.

Some problems are what I call "gravity problems"—things as unchangeable as the law of physics. When someone starts spiralling on one of these, you need a way to interrupt it. A shorthand phrase helps. Call it "gravity" or whatever fits your team's humour. The point is to gently redirect without shutting people down.

Teach people how to raise problems well. Before they come to you, they should be able to define the problem clearly, suggest at least one possible solution, and have a preferred ask in mind. This isn't about making them do your job. It's about making the conversation useful.

The goal isn't fewer problems. It's better ones.